Looking for something to read

In the last few years, I haven't read much of anything except perhaps research articles and books--no fiction, can you imagine? When I was a kid, I'd fill a big box full of books every week from the library and read them all in a week. This continued through my high school and college years--my assigned books were not enough; I had to read more. Throughout my 20s I would read tons of books. I think I averaged perhaps three books a week.

But now...except for my critique group's manuscripts, I've averaged reading through maybe one or two fiction books a year. I don't know why that is. It's not expense; I can easily get books from the library.

I think it started with writing. I think the more fiction I wrote, the less I read. Perhaps I grew too analytical; perhaps being able to see the seams in the writing prevented me from trying them on. I know there are books that I'd start to read, and a feeling of irritation would come over me, as if I resented the author for not helping me see the book-movie in my mind and forgetting my surroundings.

It's worse regarding my own genre, which is why I think it's because I've grown very analytical. It's rare that I pick up a romance novel these days, even though I adore the genre, even though I have my favorite authors. I know they write as good as before, if not better. I don't have as many autobuys any more in the romance genre. When I think of it, I may be afraid of being too influenced, perhaps. I don't have a problem reading outside of genre--my autobuys in fantasy are Charles deLint, Patricia McKillip, and Robin McKinley, among others. When I think of it, I don't worry about being influenced by them.

But as much as I deeply admire Nora Roberts, for example, I have a hard time getting through one of her books. I've done it--I've read three, and liked them well enough. But that was it. I don't know why.

Well, wait, there are some romance authors that are autobuys--Jennifer Crusie, among them. I'm almost afraid of picking up her books, though, because I want to take my time reading them, and inevitably I'll start reading them all the way through, quickly. Which is a sign of a good read, but then I regret I've read it that quickly. Susan Elizabeth Phillips, is another.

At first I thought I was becoming jaded about romance novels, which would break my heart if it were so, because I love the hopefulness of them, the positive can-do attitude they all have. I notice, though, that these days I'll read contemporary romances, not historicals, and not many paranormal ones, either. Which of course is very different from what I write, which is paranormal historical romances.

So perhaps what it is, is that I don't want to be influenced by the books that are in the same category as mine. I don't want "idea seepage" from a paranormal or historical romance into any of mine. Straight-on fantasy or science fiction is okay, because they're not romance.

But I'm circling around the point, giving reasons for why I haven't read some fiction in a while. Thing is, I'm restless. I want...I don't know....

Oh, I want to find another autobuy. I think I want to find another author whose work I love so much I'll buy the books as soon as they come out, no questions asked. Which means I will have to go to the store and browse and everything. Which used to be such a pleasure for me, but I just realized I've come to have such a rushed life that I resent even taking time for that.

Oh, that's bad. I really do need to take time to browse through books and figure out what I want to read. But it's been years, years since I've done that, and there are whole new crops of authors out there that I haven't heard of.

I need to do it, though. I need to keep up. And maybe I'll find another autobuy one of these days.