The Sack of the Church Yard

A college education is a marvelous thing.

The Alien Child has been volunteering this holiday vacation--going to Operation Nightwatch in Seattle as well as working around the grounds of our church. He mentioned to me that he is to get rid of the ivy that is encroaching on the church building, as ivy is known to be quite destructive.

"I think I'll use salt," he said.

"Salt?" I asked. "Did you get that idea from a gardening magazine?"

"No," he said. "I got it from the Romans."

"What?"

"The Romans," he said. "The story of the sack of Carthage. Salting the earth so that no crops will grow--a popular "scorched earth" policy method through the ages. I figure it if it worked then, it should work now." He paused, looking thoughtful. "The Sack of the Ivy. I will wreak utter destruction on it. I will raze its vines into rubble. Its roots will die. Its offshoots will weep and be enslaved."

"I don't think ivy weeps," I said

"Maybe it does," he said. "Maybe it weeps in its own ivy way."

"Also, I'm not so sure it's a good idea just to strew salt around without knowing what kind of effect it might have."

"I'm sure it's okay," he said. "Salt is biodegradable. But I'll ask Nancy just in case." He did, and said that Nancy (who is the groundskeeper) said she couldn't see why it wouldn't work. But I did wonder if he tried to persuade her into it. I understand he is going to use rock salt, as this is probably the closest form we have to what the Romans used.

That's my son: doing his best for historical verisimilitude.